Saturday, November 4, 2017

Regent of the Hotel

A member of The Panic Room, who wishes to remain anonymous (I mean, who would want to be publicly associated with this?) -

Okay!  That's not even really me, it's me in my dwindling mind - skinny still, with lots of hair remaining (and cats instead of Camus, whatevs) living out my remaining days of shabby desperation in the silvery damask-walled room of an abandoned hotel.  Everyone knows I love decaying buildings - so how appropriate to have a friend replace the lyrics to this classic song.  Many of the references are insider jokes but hopefully anyone can get the drift...thanks, Anon, for a truly glorious spoof!!

Hotel Ozonista
On the internet highway, Doom wind in my hair
warm smell of the Trumptards, wafting up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I see a Room for the night,
It says 'Panic' but I'm not too fussed - I have to stop for a shite

There she stood in the doorway, I heard the mission bell
Then I was thinking to myself this could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor I thought I heard them say

'Welcome to the Hotel Ozonista
Such a lovely place
Just not a 'safe space'
Plenty of Doom at the Hotel Ozonista
I'll just grab a beer,
Where's the toilet here?'

Her mind is Tiffany twisted, she at her total wits end,
But lots of pretty helpful doomour pals - to keep her Zen
How they dance in the comments, sweet keyboard sweat
Some type to remember, some type to forget

So I call up the Captain, please bring me my whine, he said
We've haven't had McPherson here since January the 9th
And still that butthurt is calling from far away
Wakes you up in the middle of the night
With a libel ca-a-se.

'Welcome to the Hotel Ozonista
Such a lovely place
Such a snarky space
We're pimpin' it up at the Hotel Ozonista
Any time of year
You can find us here.

Szmereda hurts your feelings, while Rex is cool as ice
But we are all just prisoners here, of our own device
And in the Queens new chambers, they gather for the feast
they stab Guy with their steely knives,
but they just can't kill the beast
Next one up is Hester, he is running for the door
'we have to get extinction back, to the way it was before!'

'Goodnight' says Zawacki, 'We are all out of reprieve;
You can check out any time you like,
and this time - fuckin' leave!'



  1. Excellent 'paraphrasing' of H Cal. Though politics have nearly been, for me, discarded and philosophically disabled completely (like, what's the point?), and as the pathetic situation with the insane clown junta now completes its mission of completely destroying this most beautiful planet, i would only suggest that the paraphraser (perhaps in another rendition) not forget Ms Hillary and her gang of sneaky bastards/bitches, all mass media, all out of control corpses (corporations) and ALL OF US WHO ARE CULPABLE, meaning just that: ALL OF US CIVILIZED, DOMESTICATED HUMANS. It would only seem to be 'fair and balanced' then, would it not?

  2. the summer will end
    the ship cannot run
    before the seas

    All sailors to the mains!

    screams the wind,

    the waves tilt in,
    the gain shifts and groans

  3. Nice to hear from you again, Gail. Things have deteriorated so much since the last time you penned something. It's about to get even more wobbly and weird, as the economy falters, gas prices rise and sink, marine die-offs continue, birds still fall out of the sky, pollinators on their way out, the stock market is booming but everyone is broke or damn close to it. Volcanoes are having earthquakes, the sky is blowing eerie trumpets, things are bursting into flame for no apparent reason, and people are dropping dead every day. Soon, everyone will know that Guy was correct. I trust you're doing all right and I wish the best for our friend from Montreal. Thanks for the song.

  4. hi Gail and Tom,
    indeed, "things" are deteriorating very fast. it is so bad that I am not sure even death will be enough to stop the suffering. It is no consolation to know that Guy was correct.
    almost middle of November and the trees still have a lot of leaves (despite having had very strong winds). It makes me extremely nervous and I explain to the rare humans who cross my path that falling of the tree is a "move" that trees have to make and for which they need energy they do not have any more.
    Everybody is on medication and feeling very anxious around here.
    We are at the mercy of the next big storm which can come any day when we will loose power for an extended period of time. This has already happened in many places that will never "rebuild". Puerto Rico fis but one example. The first cold winter front of the season is coming in as I write.

    I can see what is going on, but until now, I have not been able to make it sink into my heart and my mind. It is so big and unprecedented that it is over my comprehension. I am just 24/7 really anxious.
    Even the advice to do what I "love" rings hollow.


  5. I lost over a week between not having power and cracking a tooth from perpetual, anxious jaw-clenching. Now every day that is a "better" day is a gift. I do not think I will have any more that are simply "good". Hell in a handbasket...glad to have some such loyal friends/readers to share witness to the debacle.

  6. Not that should it be any consolation, but occasionally Mother Nature gets her revenge:

    In southern Germany, a "mighty oak" snapped off above the root and fell on a road, crushing a passing BMW. The driver, 32 years old, and her mother, 81 years, were killed. Just one look at that tree and it's clear why, although of course the "news" sites say that the tree fell "for no apparent reason". I guess they mean there was no storm and no beavers nibbling at it.

    More pictures:

    And even more:

    While the loss of human life is sad, almost nobody will be thinking about that oak as a very old living being. Great time to be alive...

    1. "The oak seems to have been rotten according to testimonies in the lower part of the trunk..."

      Thanks Resurgent Viking.

      A major response of plants to ozone stress is a reduction of carbohydrate allocation to the roots. By the time there is visible damage (broken branches, holes, injured foliage) the roots may have been shrinking for a while.


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